Sources close to Steven also known as "Boogie2988" on the internet have confirmed his passing on this Sunday. The cause of death has not been officially released but some witnesses told us they saw Steven hobbled over in pain before making a guttural vomit noise. A shocked woman, "Cathy Yoppatoter" told us that all she could see was a large explosion of bile, bilge and brine. It looked like some sort of Left 4 Dead boomer exploded. We will update you all soon. rest in piss retard

Steven Seagal was spotted lumbering toward children today in Los Angeles. The children were not able to spot him in time as he sneaked up behind them. In less than a second, his big meaty Republican fist came down upon the heads of the toddlers as he beat the puke out of them. Our sources told us that most of the children were hospitalized with 3 children in intensive care and 2 left critical. The first child he attacked was confirmed dead after Steven ripped his torso in half like a play-doll as Seagal engorged himself on the innards of the young boy.

Say hello to Tammison.

As of 7:37am December 31st, the True Tellers staff has received thousands of reports regarding the direct grandson of Andre The Giant making threats against NYC officials. We are unsure about the fine details, however according to the majority of reports this gargantuan child has entered City Hall to deliver his demands. 

It seems to be a one man operation, but the sheer size of this beefed up thing has many government officials scrambling. Several reports indicate that ghastly beast's voice boomed the following: "Fee Fi Fo Fum, hand over your jewels or face the might of Asgard."

BREAKING NEWS: JOE BIDEN has been spotted giving a speech the day after Christmas. KAMALA HARRIS was spotted giving him a thin wafer to which Joe promptly ingested it and proceeded to inflate from the insides. Joe Biden quickly began to get too big for his own good and EXPLODED from the inside. TOXIC ACID BILE was spewed all over the crowd of people as they screamed and cried for help. At this time, there are 43 confirmed deaths and countless more hospitalizations. An un-named source on the ground told our reporters that peoples skin and flesh were melting and contorting from the acid. The individual was quoted as saying: "Goddamn nigga that shit smelled like some damn ass bacon, bruh. You know sleepy Joe on some crazy stuff, jit. That nigga wildin!" Sources are saying that the White House and House Democrats are quickly piecing Joe back together to cover up the incident. It is said that if Joe does not make it, Kamala will be in charge and it is very possible this was a ploy for power on her part.

We've recently received word of a strange facility that has been constructed overnight a block from the Whitehouse. We are unsure who's responsible and have no suspected motive at this time.

On Sunday (12-6-21), a known friend of Jeffrey Bezos caused a major disturbance in a New York conference center that resulted in the deployment of a SWAT team. Several witnesses have informed our team that at roughly 11am, Gregory Tovatuf entered the conference center and was spotted by security. An anonymous security officer told us that he was reported to have massively dilated pupils and twitching frequently. Further details are unknown, but the death toll is in the thousands. 

Last Friday a branch of Meta (aka Facebook) brought lawmakers into a panic after announcing they would be deploying a project they called "Israeli.AI" that aimed to minimize antisemitism in global industries. According to the project's lead Amanda Gotovstein, the recently completed AI program effectively infiltrates secure networks and scans for anti-Semitic behavior.

Ms. Gotovstein refused to elaborate what actions would be taken to punish this behavior but she told our team that, "everyone should make sure to monitor their credit score."

After a recent clinical trial, the corpse of the controversial George Floyd was brought back to life for a few moments before collapsing once again. During this brief return of life, his skin was turned to a ghostly white color and screamed out in pain. Although unconfirmed, a few anonymous sources have told the TrueTellers team that he uttered the words "Joe Biden caused this!"

Attached is a real image of the event.

Today we mourn, we have lost a valuable member of our team. Lidia Barbosa committed suicide early this morning. Rest her soul.

Lady look like fucking raisen? California? Joe Biden is certainly at fault. You must run. You must hide. But you cannot survive. 

He comes

On Monday, August 9th a Caucasian woman (allegedly named Jessica Galtor) attacked and maimed a San Antonio police officer using a pink plastic bucket filled with hardened concrete. The name of the officer has yet to be released but the Police Department has confirmed that he is expected to make a full recovery. The woman has been arrested and is expected to be executed on August 15th. Stay tuned for further information.

We have just received reports of an ongoing terrorist attack at your local Holiday gas station. Multiple sources have claimed that there is what appears to be a ten megaton bomb constructed from cleaning supplies placed in the center of the gas pumps. Even more shocking is that it appears that nobody is reacting to this dangerous threat. We will update on the situation shortly. 

We come to you today with an eyewitness report of a man in a pickle costume lurking near the outer gates of Disney Orlando. He has spotted holding what looked to be a hunting knife and has been described as "smelling like a rotting corpse." by a local woman who wishes to remain anonymous. We ask that anyone in the immediate area stay alert and do not interact with any strangers. We believe he is mentally ill and possibly a danger to himself and others.

Ladies and gentlemen, today is an utterly horrible day. As I (Eddie Baltovich) have to bring you such horrible news on an already saddening day. As you may have heard, Patrick Garfield sadly took his own life a couple of days ago and we had to bring you this heartbreaking news yesterday. Today was his wake and upon some concern after Chuck didn't show up to his own friends funeral, we received more heartbreaking news. Chuck was a bit late and on his way he was in a horrible car accident. Chuck collided head on with another car which led to not only the death of Chuck but the death of a mother and her two children. We don't exactly know any specifics other than what has been told to us by Chuck's wife Mary. He was taken in at 5:21 and was pronounced deceased at 5:29. We share our thoughts and prayers with Chuck's extended family in their time of grieving. Rest easy Big Cheese...

Sorry for the three day absence from posting the daily news. I had the thing in your bladder where you pee stones. Some sort of stress induced bullshit left thing. Anyway. In current news, the Israeli and Palestinian conflict is still incredibly heated. Like a damn stew on the stove heating for dinnah! An Israeli airstrike hit the building housing Al-Jazeera. How anyone could support Palestine while those fucking terrorists are living rent-free in their borders? Beats me. To the damn Al-Jazeera folk, hope you enjoyed when me and my boys came to see ya and blew a crater through that damn Bin Laden's head. You know me and my niggas tote the toolie! And that's on crip my nigga. Catch me crip walking over to Israel to get me a kosher ass hotdog and shit. All my hasidic niggas stand up! BURR GIT GIT GIT SKRR SKRR SKRR!!!! Stay tuned to the announcements for big chungus.